We’ve been sold some wrong ideas.
We live in a culture that values busyness. Hustle culture is glorified. Being a ‘hot mess mom’ is almost a rite of passage in order to be ‘cool’ and part of the mom club anymore.
Another one of those ideas is that you need to have your kids in EVERYTHING. That they need to play multiple sports or extracurriculars at the same time for them to live full complete childhoods.
Or there’s the idea you need to drink to handle motherhood….rosé all day anyone?
And then there’s this general idea, that we almost have to stop or pause our lives and what we want. That we must focus 110% on our children and that we move our lives around them, instead of putting them in our lives and having them come alongside us as we live our lives.
And one of the biggest lies of all out there….is that you need to put your kids in daycare. That staying home with your babies rather than pursuing a career isn’t valuable or that you’re wasting your potential.
There are a lot of lies, and what I would call, ‘wrong ideas’ out there.
Here’s The Big Wrong Idea I Bought Into
“Successful women” don’t homemake. They’re not cleaning their homes or cooking for their families, or if they do, they do the bare minimum, usually with resentment. ‘Successful moms’ with careers hired house cleaners and the way they “cooked” dinner was to say ‘come on guys get in the car we’re going to dinner.’ Those were my wrong ideas.
I was all for work-from-home or flexible work so I could be with my babies. But I thought actual homemaking was something I shouldn’t be doing, even though deep down I wanted to. I thought if I saw myself as a homemaker, I’d be throwing myself into antiquated ideas. That I wasn’t following what “successful women” should be doing.
Please hear me, I’m not saying you’re wrong if this is how you operate. What I am saying is, that telling women you shouldn’t do those things because you should be focusing on working and building your business or career, isn’t right.
Because there’s more than one way. In fact, there are a lot of right ways. And there’s something to be said about living your life and bringing your kids alongside you as you do the things you want to do. About reducing the number of activities so you aren’t so stressed out and so tired you only want to sit in front of the tv at night. About sitting together around the table as a family so you can have quality time together.
Confronting My Own Story
I always wanted to work part-time or from home when I had a family. It’s a privilege and a luxury not everyone can afford. I knew I’d probably need a second income for my family when the time came, and I would need something with flexibility. Being sold the idea of freedom and flexibility and setting my own hours, I began working for a direct-selling company.
As I rose in leadership, I heard this message again and again that 9-9 was ‘people time.’ That I should be hiring out a house cleaner or the joke that if I felt a homemaker vibe coming on I should put on my apron for a little bit and bake some cookies and then that would be sufficient and then I could go back to soliciting sales.
The most freeing thing for me as I scaled back and eventually left that organization, was realizing that it was in fact, okay to take pride in taking care of my home and my family. I still work, but instead I transitioned into a truly work from home positioin as a virtual assistant. Through that transition, I realized it was okay to spend time curating my home, and honing my cooking skills. And it was ok to do this during the daytime! Realizing it was okay to want to be a homemaker was the gift and permission I didn’t know I needed.
Homemaking Looks Different For Everyone
I don’t love scrubbing toilets or loading the dishwasher. Who does? I mean seriously, if you do please tell me your secrets. What I do love is the satisfaction of feeling that I’ve put my world in order and it looks and feels good.
Some women HATE with a capital H, cooking. Just because you’re a homemaker doesn’t mean you have to become Martha Stewart.
It also doesn’t mean you have to garden.
These are all good things of course, but we get to decide what being a homemaker is.
For some women, it’s staying home full-time and not earning any outside income. For women wh work outside the home full-time, homemaking may look like squeezing those home activities into evenings and weekends. Homemaking for me looks like working part-time, from home, for myself while being available to my baby and bigger children.
I love being able to set the tone of my home. Whether that’s everyone coming up the stairs to the smell of fresh baking bread on the weekend, tucking into freshly laundered sheets, or sitting down together for dinner as a family. For me, homemaking is about being able to be there for my baby, while enjoying cooking, gardening, doing the necessary cleaning, and enjoying pursing new hobbies related to the home.
We become like the people we surround ourselves with.
When I stopped being around people who told me my time was ‘too valuable’ to be a homemaker and care for my own home, and that I shouldn’t be focusing on my home because I should be working, it was freeing. Maybe you don’t want to clean your own house or you’re too busy to and that’s okay. It’s also okay if you’d rather do it yourself so you can cut back on costs and live a certain kind of life.
There’s A Movement Going On…
We’ve seen the tide shifting. There’s a whole movement of women out there who value home. It’s been there, slowly growing. The Pandemic certainly supercharged it. More and more we’re seeing that there is value in home. Whether you do work outside the home or not, homemaking is having its moment. Women (and men) are making time to have home feel good so that its inhabitants feel as if they’re wrapped in a hug when they walk in the door. Having a beautiful space you want to spend time in instead of escaping. Having REAL whole foods that nourish your body. Those things are the value of home.
So my friends, I do not profess to be a professional. I’m an ordinary mom, trying to harmonize it all. I hope you’ll join me as I learn, grow and make my home.
Love,
Kaitlyn
