Kaitlyn here, or as I’ve become known, Betty’s Mom. II’ve just had the blessing of experiencing my first Mother’s Day as a mom. My June baby, born via C-section, we’re also completing our first year together. (Read what having a cesarean is like). Many soon-to-be moms wonder what that first year will be like. I came into motherhood with many preconceived notions, like most of us. Being a mom surprised me in ways I didn’t expect. Everyone’s story is of course unique and different and nothing can fully prepare you. My hope is that with sharing my journey of what surprised me in my first year as a new mom, you’ll glean a few tips on how to make it as smooth as possible for you!
The First Thing That Surprised Me As A New Mom is Sleep
One of the things I was most nervous about, was coping with the lack of sleep the first couple months. I’m a woman who NEEDS her sleep. 8-9 hours on the regular. None of this 6 hours or I’ll sleep when I’m dead sort of business. I have meltdowns without proper sleep.
Needless to say, knowing this about myself I was concerned. You hear moms say, well you just adapt. I thought that was total BS.
So here’s how it went down for me those first 6-8 weeks.
I found I could still get about 7-8 hours of sleep, but over the course of about 10 hours. So I planned for that. I’d go to bed between 10-11pm and get up between 8-9am. The first week baby would wake up every 1 ½- 2 hours. Which was a little rough. But honestly, you do adapt. I was surprised how true actually that was.
Two things that helped.
#1. Help. Lots of help.
My mom stayed with us the first week and a half after B was born since she lives across the country. So after the 6am or 7am wake-up, I’d give baby to grandma, and my husband and I would go back to bed til about 9am. That was heaven sent!
Maybe having your mom or mother-in-law come to stay wouldn’t be the right fit for you. If so, consider if you have someone else in your life who can either come stay for the first 1-2 weeks, or just come over every day from 7-9am so you can get more sleep. If you can find someone, do it!
#2. Have a system to try and get a 4-6 hour stretch of sleep in.
This is KEY! Since my baby had been in NICU, she ended up willing to take a bottle early on even though we exclusively breastfed. People warn you about nipple confusion and of course each baby is different, but they really do figure it out.
Our system was that I’d nurse about 9pm. My husband is more of a night owl than I am so he stays up later. He’d give our daughter her bottle between 11pm-midnight and then take her upstairs with him where she slept in our bedside bassinet. Baby would wake up about 2pm and I’d feed her. So that would give me that 4-5 hour stretch. I breastfed on demand, so this worked well.
Sleep Will Change
Looking back, those first early weeks and months were far easier than some of the later months. So get prepared!
At 8 weeks my daughter could sleep 8 hours. This was AMAZING. I thought she’d keep doing that. It lasted about two months. Now, I get woken up at least once a night most nights. There are of course sleep courses you can do and books you can read, I’ve chosen not to. Don’t ask me why. I don’t have a good rational reason other than that I don’t feel like it.
Breastfeeding As a New Mom Surprised Me
You hear stories from SO many women about how hard breastfeeding is. How they didn’t make enough milk, their nipples were inverted, baby wouldn’t latch etc…. That’s totally valid. If you have trouble breastfeeding, I have so much sympathy for you. If you have trouble, there are amazing resources out there, and of course fed is best.
So much of that generational knowledge about breastfeeding has been lost, which I think is why so many women struggle. I expected to struggle. Whether or not I’d even being able to breastfeed was what I was most nervous for! As it turned out, I’m a milk cow and my baby loved to eat. Which is why it has to be said, not all women have trouble, so don’t be afraid of it. Breastfeeding can be such a beautiful journey, and preparing helps.
Set Yourself Up For Success
I met with lactation MULTIPLE times in the hospital. I also took an online class, which was free through Insurance. Check out Aeroflow.com. Aeroflow makes the process of getting a breast pump through insurance seamless. They also recommended breastfeeding classes which were free and SUPER helpful. On top of that, lactation came and talked to my pregnancy group. All this prep will give you confidence.
I’ve been surprised how much I loved breastfeeding. It wasn’t sore cracked bleeding nipples all the time. Yes, sometimes they hurt. Baby has some teeth now, so occasionally I do get bit. Being able to feed her with my body is incredible! That connection, wow! When you nurse the flood of oxytocin that gets released, especially the first few months is the most incredible high I’ve ever experienced.
Pro tip, silver nipple shields and nipple butter should be used liberally!
The Value of Baby Wearing
One area that surprised me as a new mom, was how amazing baby-wearing is. I was SUPER intimated by this. Don’t be. Have a friend help you. Use YouTube. Try Different wraps. Different body types and different babies make different wraps preferable.
I LOVE my Ring Sling. When B was 6 weeks old I could put her in it and she would sleep ANYWHERE. I could cook with her in there, eat and drink easily or put her in there she’d conk out and I’d sit at my computer and work. It was a BEAUTIFUL thing.
One of my favorite stages has been the 2-6 months of age range. Each age is exciting and beautiful, but being able to feed B anywhere and have her sleep anywhere was magic. I nursed her to sleep and I loved it.
Those Older Months Can Be Harder Than The Early Ones
You hear how hard having a newborn is. You don’t hear how hard the older months can be. 8-12 months has actually been the hardest so far. The hardest part is honestly when she’s in between naps and fussy. Maybe it’s boredom, maybe teething, but you can’t do anything because at this age, they’re into EVERYTHING and mobile, yet they don’t want to be held and be snuggly. Changing a baby that tries to flip over every 2 seconds, not fun.
The other hard part you don’t always hear about is the boredom. With an older baby you tend to feel tied down more. They no longer sleep anywhere, so you need to be home. You have to schedule around naps and they’re more particular about how they sleep. The time in between naps for me, can be really boring and lonely. It’s too hard to work but you’re kinda bored. The best way to combat this I’ve found is putting baby in a backpack and doing stuff around the house or taking her on walks when it’s nice out.
Baby Will Not Eat The Way You Think
The final thing that has surprised me as a new mom, is food preferences. I am a gung-ho homemaker and home-cook-type through and through. I always envisioned myself making homemade baby food. Imagine to my surprise when my six month old would stick her tongue out and let purees fall out of her mouth. She wouldn’t even let the spoon in her mouth. You had to trick her. Yep, that was my baby. So much for the baby food making kit I bought. And yes I tried SO many flavors. She only wanted to feed herself. From day one of feeding, she’s basically just eaten small chunks of food. And girlfriend loves her meat! The first thing she really mowed down as we were figuring out food……taco meat. Not fruit. Fruit took her several tries to like. It was freakin ground taco meat. And pretty much any kind of ground meat.
This as it turned out has been a blessing in disguise. She eats what we eat. No food prep required.
It’ll All Be Unexpected
They say in motherhood that it never goes how you expect, and that’s true. And you’ll be surprised where it’s true. So many things surprised me as a new mom. The things you were sure would go one way will go the other. And then the things you think you’ve got in the bag will be difficult. The things you’re nervous about will probably be the things that will be easiest.
Through it all it has been THE BEST and most incredible journey. I truly feel that attitude is everything.
You’ll have hard days no doubt, but embracing the journey makes it better. I was never mad about the 2am feedings because I knew she needed to eat. I could feed B with a bad attitude, or I could feed her cherishing every precious moment.
The dichotomy of motherhood is you’ll miss prior days and want to go back to them while looking forward to the next steps. Just don’t forget to embrace the present.
Love & Joy,
Kaitlyn
Lovely memories, you are a wonderful mom!